Exploring my shadow
*The above voice over can only be played through the web version. It will not play in the email.
Just like our good man Benjamin Franklin, I really love self-improvement. I’m always looking for ways I can be a better human being. And, I’ve been doing this for so long (literally all of my adult years) that I’ve really picked all the low lying fruit. All the easy and not-terribly-uncomfortable flaws have been addressed. The rest of the work to be done really requires a looky loo at the deep shadowy and very ingrained ways I can be a real a-hole.
Before I go into all the ways, I want to leave an adorable picture of Teeny Tiny Me to live in your brain for the rest of this post. I’m the one on the right, actually looking at the camera, as instructed. My sister is looking at the ground, probably trying to copy me.
If you follow me on social media you probably have seen my lamenting about the use of the “care” or “hug” reaction on Facebook. I equate it with sympathy or pity. I don’t post anything publicly that would warrant a sympathy or even “comfort” reaction, though. So it confuses me. And, look, I know this is my own perception. I know (most) people have good intentions when they use it. Many people have told me it’s a hug. I get it. I really do. I get that this is an issue of “meeting people where they are” and of allowing people to be who they are. Cue my mother’s correcting and directing about how judgmental I am. I get it!
And, it still bothers me. But, I swear, this post isn’t about me trying to convince the world of the proper and appropriate use of that reaction on social media (but if this changes your mind about limiting your use of it - I won’t be sad about it!)
This post is about how these sorts of judgments and perceptions are what keep us from being happier. They keep us from connecting with people and really knowing them for who they are. (I don’t think that anyone here can say they don’t wish to be connect more fully or deeply with people.) And because those judgments keep us from really knowing other people, they prevent us from being fully known by others. If you’re judging others, you’re judging yourself. And that keeps us from more happiness.
I don’t have a plan, per se, on how to stop being this way. I think it takes bit-by-bit training in redirecting our thoughts and reminding ourselves that everyone is doing the best they can. And, this is really for me, especially, if someone has taken the time to read or listen to whatever are sharing, and have the desire to connect with us - we should just get over ourselves and be open to the connection. Connection is what we are all seeking anyway.
So, what does all this require? I don’t know what you need to do. You’ll figure that out, but I know I need to let go of control. Or, the need to control, because I don’t actually have any control over anyone. And, that’s super frustrating and uncomfortable for me. So, I’ll be over here, deeply uncomfortable. But, don’t worry about me. I’m a Scorpio rising so deeply uncomfortable is really my happy place. ;-)
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