This is a fun topic. Relationships of all kinds fascinate me because people fascinate me. There aren’t many things I would change if I could go back in time, but if I could change something, I would go to college for psychology (which I am sure would completely alter the path of my life, so not a small change). While I did not anticipate breaking this topic up into different parts, upon writing it, I noticed I had a lot of resources to share and didn’t want to leave anything out. So, look for a part two at some point.
I think I have done quite a bit of writing already on building community and how we show up in relationships (plus I am continuing to research and just subscribed to an expert in gatherings), so I won’t get into those topics right now (but I definitely will later in the Women Who Fly With Dragons section). In this one I want to stick to just some little rituals or spells I have found that you might enjoy working with.
I did mention in a previous post that I don’t do “spell work”. However, I do love reading about them (and I guess I technically do rituals, but they are very different to what you may think of as a ritual). So, I will share some good resources for finding more information and I will share the quick “rituals” that I like. And all the rituals I like to use take less than a couple minutes to perform.
Meaningful relationships are, quite simply, what make life worth living.
- Tess Whitehurst
A long time ago, when I was trying to manifest a romantic relationship and I was just learning about crystals, I was introduced to garnet as a healing and spiritual stone. Garnets were always a big part of my family line because my grandmother loved them (might have been her birthstone) and she gave me one of her garnet rings when I turned 16. Tess Whitehurst offers a Blessing Charm in her book Radiant: Embracing Your Power and Beauty in Midlife, using a garnet stone. You can get one at a metaphysical shop or use a piece of garnet jewelry you already have (or, hell, buy one for the purposes of this ritual). Tess focuses her blessing around setting boundaries, but you can use it for any intention. She says to hold the stone (under the light of a full moon for a couple minutes - I skip this part) and ask for the Goddess (if you have one you like to invoke you can call her or you can call for Goddess energy generally) and ask Her to “fill the stone with wisdom that will help you to set your boundaries wisely and to enforce them as needed.” If you don’t need help in setting or maintaining boundaries, you can say something like “Thank you for filling this stone with wisdom that will help me cultivate meaningful connections and relationships in my life.” Lee Harris, an energy guide I have been following for many years, has an affirmation that he suggests using like “I allow myself to invite wonderful, loving new people into my life.” If you don’t like the wording in any of these suggestions, you can change it to fit what you do like. You can tailor any ritual or spell you find online or in any book to fit your needs or interests.
Tess Whitehurst has a tiny guide to Love Magic you can get on Amazon. I don’t think it is sold in indie stores anymore, if it ever was. I think she self-published it. If you have Kindle Unlimited, it is free within that program. If you really dig rituals and spells, this is a great little book. The last section is a whole list of rituals and spells with detailed instructions. One of my favorites is a relationship blessing. I have modified the ritual to fit my less fussy style.
Bless a Relationship
I like this for blessing any type of relationship - which I believe will alert the Universe that you want more of this type of connection. It’s written here for a romantic relationship, but honestly, with a couple tiny tweaks, you can use this for anything. You’ll need a red candle with two wicks (or a yellow one if you are blessing a friendship1) and a chocolate cake (baked yourself or store/bakery bought). I don’t believe any day of the week or month or year is any more powerful or potent than any other day, so choose a day when you and your friend/partner can both get together. Light the candle near the cake. Visualize pink light entering the top of your head and flowing all the way through your body into the floor or ground below you. Feel the light pulsating in your heart and send that pink light into the cake infusing it with this love magic. You can say this prayer that Tess shares in her book:
Great Goddess, Great God, All That Is, I call on you. Bless me, bless _______(name of your partner), and bless our relationship. Fill our life together with sweetness, laughter, passion and enduring love. Thank you.
Leave the candle burning and serve the cake to you and your partner or friend. You can eat the rest of the cake in the following days, but Tess does not recommend sharing it with anyone other than your friend or partner. And, you don’t have to use cake either. You can use cupcakes, a cookie, a cannoli, or a whole meal - whatever. It really doesn’t matter.
If I were doing this to bless a friendship, I would change the last line to “Fill our time together with sweetness, laughter, abundance and grace.” Or, whatever you feel called to bring into the relationship. You can use this infuse the friendship with whatever you both want to experience more of.
If you like working with oracle decks, one deck that I haven’t purchased yet but it is on my list is a deck called Tell Me You Love Me by Sandy Tatoo.2.0 and Voglio Bene (although by the time this post is released later in September, I will probably already have this deck). It is published by Rockpool Publishing, a new company that has been putting out some really great, high quality decks. Like I said, I haven’t used it yet, but I trust the reviews and guidance of Lorraine Anderson of Spirit Element. This link will take you to her review of the deck. Lorraine is the author of the Seasons of the Witch oracle decks that follow the pagan holidays. I love these decks and am working on collecting all of them. Lorraine says this deck isn’t just for romantic love, it works well for any type of relationship.
I used to be part of Lorraine Anderson’s subscription based membership program and ended my subscription earlier this year. It looks like she has revamped it. You can read more about her work on my previous post here. She is an apothecary queen and I am sure she has more on relationships and love rituals in her archive. I did find this free blog post that has a recipe for God/Goddess perfume rollers.
The last few posts within this series have been free teasers for my premium series. The cost to upgrade to paid is only $8/month and there is a discount for signing up for the whole year. In the future, I plan to hold monthly “office hours” via zoom where you can jump on the zoom call and ask me about anything - even quick intuitive readings for a question or two. The calls will be 30 minutes long and gallery style. I may even use them to do group meditations or rituals. These office hours calls will be available only to paid members and will be free other than the monthly newsletter subscription price. You could basically get a free reading/workshop with me every month.
I am not allowed to have fire because I am not careful enough, so with any ritual involving a candle, I usually either skip it entirely or I imagine the candle in my mind rather than use a real one. It will work no matter what you choose. Candles are not necessary to magic, they are just a nice aesthetic.